Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My Fourth Day

When I came upon my old journals, one thing that I stumbled on was my description of the fact that I went on a retreat called Search.  It was a three day retreat.  It was my first real introspection in a religious setting as an adult, albeit a very young adult at the time.  The retreat was Fri-Sun (or three days).  At the end we were asked what we would do on our Fourth Day.  The Fourth Day was essentially--the rest of our lives.  Not literally one day.  

Viewed that way, I've written many things about my Fourth Day.  Most of them up.  Occasionally down.  In the near future there may be one or tow things that are down because I let things go much too long.  Even at age 42 there are lessons to learn.

I don't know that when I was 18 I ever really appreciated just how long the "Fourth Day" would go on and the fact that I would still be learning, still be struggling to prioritize, still be trying to make sense of things, and still be trying to figure out how it all fit together as part of God's plan for me 24 years later.

But now I know that even in 2 times 24 more years (if I make it to age 90), I'll still be learning, I'll still be struggling to prioritize, I'll still be trying to make sense of things, and I'll still by trying to figure out how it all fits together as part of God's plan for me.  It is a never ending process with just one goal--always try to keep God's way as my way as I go along.  The closer I model my life after God's way, the more sense it makes.  Things get messy and murkier the more I stray.  Things seem to get clearer the more I stay close to God's way.  Sometimes, I wonder how Jesus prioritized when there were multiple ways that he could have worked to demonstrate the glory of God.  In some ways, a simple "what would Jesus do" type of question.  But in other ways, a much more subtle one--how would Jesus prioritize?  How would Jesus allocate his time on the days when he felt "there are only 24 hours in a day?"  

Perhaps as a religious economist who struggles to do good in all things I should ask myself "how would Jesus allocate his resources" rather than "what would Jesus do"?  Perhaps it is not quite as catchy.  But it really does capture why I sometimes feel like I am struggling (while still being very satisfied with my overall progress, accomplishments, and quality of life) in my Fourth Day.   

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