Looking Back Over 2012 and Ahead to 2013

Yesterday, I was looking over credit card receipts for the year and found something surprising.  It is now taken care of.

So, today, while 3/5 of my family is skiing and I've completed taken a first stab at a health economics second course syllabus, I thought it would be a good time for my annual aspirations blog.  I'll call them aspirations rather than resolutions.  At least according to dictionary.com, a resolution is "a resolve or determination" whereas an aspiration is a "goal or objective desired" or an "aim; ambition". I think that what I look forward to in the next year fits more in the second category of "big picture" stuff rather than specific determinations.  And I think that with a few exceptions the same could have been said last year.

Looking back, then?  Here is what I wrote last December 31:


(10) Continue to implement a plan for well-being that includes financial well-being.
Sort of.  We've built some assets.  Paid down some debt.  Some still hangs on.  And it has been difficult to anticipate what 2013 will bring.

(9) Run a sub-20 minute 5K and qualify for the Boston marathon. 
These were definitely in the resolution rather than aspiration category and I met both.

(8) Continue my involvement with Back on My Feet.
I did.  I stayed a team coach as long as I could, but something had to give way.  I still run with the Team at least once a week if at all possible and also run with a bunch of BoMF Baltimore teammates at track workouts that I somehow have been the nominal organizer of for a while now.

(7) While this could go under the well-being heading of #10, I want to integrate pieces of “the arts” into what I do including more reading (because one way to write better is to read more), continue blogging, continue other writing, and perhaps even get back to writing a bit of music.
On this one, I continued to blog, I started a second writing project, and while I never wrote a full song this year, I did finalize a poem for two friends who got married and they really liked it.  It was about what made a first impression about each of them as I met them--their smiles.

(6) Better balance of responsibilities at work.
I have mostly continued to learn what can "give way".  The new year may bring new opportunities here.

(5) Hang out with friends more in situations other than running.
There is precious little time for this.  Although we did make it to a few nice gatherings at the end of the year.  And while my oldest son's girlfriend was not someone I had thought of when I wrote this a year ago, we have welcomed her to hang out with us (and running is not involved) a lot more this year than last.

(4) Help my children become all that they can be.
We continue to find ways to provide opportunities for our three sons to try out and to get better at all sorts of interesting things.  I think that Sherry and I have done a good job at this.

(3) Take the serenity prayer ever more seriously. 
I definitely still take the first part very seriously.  It is interesting that I will simply speak--sometimes not even yell--a snarky comment about another driver and let it go at that.  My oldest son's girlfriend asked if it was my form of "road rage".  What it really reflects is my effort to let out a little frustration while otherwise letting go of whatever might cause road rage as I cannot change it and more or less have to accept what other drivers do.  There are still some things that go unacted on.  I strive to change that.

(2) Continue to share my cooking. Enough said.
And done. Mostly through having my son's girlfriend over for dinner more.  She even had a chance to help us make Christmas Eve dinner.  But I have also cooked for family on this vacation and have brought snacks for friends post-running on numerous occasions.

(1) Enjoy the second half of my 20th year of marriage and the first half of year 21. It has been an incredible nearly 20 years. I hope we share 20 more.

Year wasn't perfect, but we had some new experiences that served us well including going on our first cruise.  And we are still together.

Looking ahead...

(10) Keep running in the right place in my life--it should promote physical, mental, and social well being--the gold old health triangle we learned in high school health ed class.  It should also promote spiritual well-being. If it ever interferes with those re-assess.

(9) While keeping it in the right place in my life, don't forget that there are some real goals.  Mile on the track under 5:40.  2-mile on the track under 12:00.  5K--wherever--under 19:30.  Complete Boston--and if the weather permits aim for 3:10.  Half marathon closer to 1:30.  10 miler closer to 1:10.

(8) Continue to be creative.  Maybe art.  Maybe words.  I'd say 10-15 minutes per day.  Could be a little verse.  Could be a little progress in my ongoing attempts to write longer stuff.  Could be a blog entry.  Could even just be some project like the silk tie I did earlier this week.  Just to keep that part of my brain in high gear.

(7) Think about next career steps.  Who knows what they may be?  The key is that even as a full professor, there are things to think about.  Even if I stay a full professor at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health for the remainder of my career, the job will change.  And there may be opportunities within JHU (or someday in the future outside JHU) that would bring about even more changes and hopefully changes that would challenge me and engage me in new ways.  And while my well-being now is about stability, my well-being once the kids are out of high school and college will depend on what I see as my next steps.  So, I might as well start thinking now.

(6) Continue to grow spiritually.  I have stopped writing about every single bib number and race time.  That was fun.  But I have found many new inspirations for my spirituality including the tattoo that is now nearly finished.  That turned out to be an interesting part of my art experience last years as it really has become much like a piece of commissioned artwork that I always have with me and really participated in a two-person (me and the artist) effort to bring about a vision of symbolism that I had.

(5) Continue to play an active role at St. Pius X.  I don't see that changing for any reason--but it is just worth putting out there.  No matter what other pressures may come and go, the stability of my involvement in Sunday school and the worship band--each with its own set of ups and downs--is definitely like a rock for my to stand on in my faith and in my life.

(4) Continue to mentor.  The experience or mentoring has been a gift to me as much as anything from me over the past several years.  I have a new student to mentor in the Penn State Schreyer Honors College and there are other opportunities for mentorship as well.

(3) Help my two oldest on the path to figuring out where they will go to college and high school respectively.  While the process will not be completely finished one year from today, it will be well on its way.

(2) Remember that I would not be where I am without the help of others.  This is part of what I reflected in my artistic vision last year and what I hope to continue to reflect this year.  This is part of my spirituality.  It is part of my professional mentoring.  It is part of my family relationships.  It is part of being a good neighbor.  I am ultimately responsible for me.  But I am not responsible for just me.  And in the same way, I know that I have truly benefitted from having so many around me who are not only interested in benefitting themselves but who are interested in lifting up others.  When I am taking credit, I must give credit where credit is due. And when I am deciding how to act, I should remember to act with others in mind.

(1) Be the best family member I can be.  Husband, father, son, brother, and so many more rolls.  All important.  All provide ways to lift others up.  All provide ways to reflect on what others have done to lift me up.  And all provide ways to show God's greatness in blessing me and my family with abundance.

It should be an exciting year ahead.  

Getting a Tattoo, Getting a Massage, Giving Blood--Things Where the Serenity Prayer Helps

Today, I got my first tattoo.  Color  will be added in September.  It turned out to be more than I could ever have imagined.  The artist was incredible and the process was not something I'd want to do every day but really not so bad.

I commented to Emily (the artist) while she was working that I was glad I had chosen to get it in a place that I really couldn't easily see while she was working.  She found this curious and told me that whenever she got a new one she would do everything she could to contort herself to see.  She talked about being a type A personality.

At the time, I said that I saw an analogy with getting a full body massage.  And since then I have also thought of an analogy with the process of giving blood.  The last of these is highly ironic given the wait to donate after getting a tattoo in at least some places.

What is the analogy.  Well, I relate it back to the Serenity prayer--where i ask for the courage to change things I can and the serenity to accept those I can't.  Before I decide to donate blood, to get a massage, or to get a tattoo I have the power to make the choice.  To choose to do it.  Doesn't take much courage to get a therapeutic massage but getting a tattoo and giving blood require at least a bit of gumption--if not courage.  But once I have started, in any of the three settings (tattooing, massaging, or blood donation), I simply let go.  There is nothing more I can do.  All I can do is have the experience.  That sets me free.  My leg muscles tightened a little, but I did not break a sweat and I did not have my heart rate go up.  I just relaxed.

Sometimes, we have to figure out that we can change things we don't want to.  But the ability to accept those things that we truly cannot change is an amazing release.  It is almost empowering to let go.     

Revelations 16:13 and 6:9-10 and Interconnections

Yesterday, I commented on a humorous moment on the cruise last week. The way Carnival works dinners we generally sat with the same people each night. Two young women traveling together were at our table. One day we randomly also ended up next to them for lunch. One of the young women had on a Muppets t-shirt. For dinner she ordered frogs legs and bacon macaroni and cheese. The irony was not on me and Sherry or her and her traveling companion.

While that was humorous, it made me wonder what the Bible has to say about frogs. I bet that most people know about the plague of frogs in Exodus. But that is not the only place where frogs are mentioned. Frogs also come up in Revelations 16:13,

I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come from the mouth of the dragon, from the mouth of the beast, and from the mouth of the false prophet. 
These "demonic" spirits are described as performing signs (presumably false signs) and that is followed by 16:15 which warns readers that God will return unexpectedly like a thief in the night, reminding us to always be ready.

The reference to the unclean spirits like frogs is also sandwiched between verses about angels pouring out the sixth and seventh bowls. These follow the seven seals. All of them are associated with the seven plagues in Exodus as a reminder that catastrophe will come to those who do not follow God.

And, that brings me back (ten chapters) to Revelations 6:9-10. There, the author writes,

When he broke open the fifth seal, I saw underneath the altar the souls of those who had been slaughtered because of the witness they bore to the word of God. They cried out in a loud voice, “How long will it be, holy and true master, before you sit in judgment and avenge our blood on the inhabitants of the earth?”

This is clearly a reference to martyrs and the plagues are part of the answer to the avenging of the martyrs. The concept of martyrs brings me back to St Sebastian and my tattoo, which I have not written about in a long time but my appointment to get is now just 2 1/2 weeks away. Interestingly, I had a conversation with a colleague about tattoos just yesterday.

The level of interconnections of ideas and concepts, physical and spiritual, driven by my interests and what is happening around me often amazes me. It is evidence (in my mind) of how God is always watching over and the reason I should be as cautious as is recommended in Revelations 16:15 (and the more familiar Matthew 24:43 or Matthew 25:1-13).

The Five Themes of My Tattoo in My Marathon

As I continue to ponder my marathon experience on Saturday, I have thought about how it captures the five themes of my tattoo--endurance, people helping people, timelessness, learning about running and spirituality where ont fields at home, and women of strength.

Endurance is what St Sebastian showed when he survived the attempted execution by archers.  Marathon running is not martyrdom.  Some may call marathon running a bit crazy, but it is not martyrdom.  I did show endurance in several ways.  Relatively consistent times for miles 1-16.  Never going above an 8 minute mile.  And coming through at the end to get my time to qualify to at least apply for Boston 2013.  All demonstrating my gifts from God.  God was pleased that I was running fast and celebrating the sabbath where the beauty of the world God created was quite evident.

People helping people--one of the friendliest marathons I've participated in.  Not everyone waived to or gave a word of encouragement to every other runner, but there was a lot of happy greetings and encouragement along the way--especially when passing or being passed in the last 6-8 miles.

Timelessness.  That is an interesting one to interpret.  Despite having my watch on and looking at it often, I felt like I had entered a timeless zone.  I really needed my watch to keep me from going too fast or too slowly.  Others around me were not running a constant pace.  Neither was I.  And when I say "around me" it was 100 yards (or more) ahead or behind in many cases.  That sense of just being in a state of having no idea how much time is passing captures the timelessness of the run--no matter how important my Boston qualifying time may have been to me.

Importance of home.  My "home turf" has a lot of rolling hills.  For the second half of the race, I ran a lot less consistent times than for the first half, but it made a bit difference to be used to rolling hills when I was able to run just under 1:36 for the first half and just under 1:38:30 for the second half.  Less than a year ago, I ran a 1:38:02 for a half marathon as my whole race.  Learning the physical aspects of what I consider my home turf and using my spirituality that I have gained in Baltimore to guide me through made a big difference.  One other thing--no longer do I think about my high school teammates or rivals when I run.  No disrespect to them and I do realize just how important that growing up experience was.  However, the reality of my running is now from my home in Baltimore.  And those are the runners I was thinking of--Rob, John, Joselyn, and Jaclyn first on the list.

Finally, women of strength.  First and foremost, my wife for coming along with me and driving on the way home.  No, being chauffeur was not her only role.  But having someone who could drive me the 2+ hours home so I could stretch and massage my muscles was wonderful.  Second, my coaches from Charm City Run over the past two years.  Two out of three--women of strength who guided, advised, and were usually out there running with us.  Thanks to Marie and Ericka.  Finally, my fellow runners.  Caroline--with whom I ran a lot last spring.  Jaclyn--part coach, part mentee in the academic life, part leader of a group that is about much more than just running.  Joselyn--fellow runner most of the 2011 marathon training season; fellow parent.  And those are just the women I have consistently run alongside.  There are other women runners who are also women of strength just for being out there.  Carrie, Sandy, and Lisa at the top of that list from CCR.  And the many women of strength from Back on My Feet.  Not that there are no fellow male runners who matter--Jerome at Christopher's Place, Paul, John, Rob, Kevin H, Christian, Dan, and the list goes on.

My marathon reflects the tattoo I will soon get in some ways I never could have imagined beforehand.