Looking Back Over 2012 and Ahead to 2013

Yesterday, I was looking over credit card receipts for the year and found something surprising.  It is now taken care of.

So, today, while 3/5 of my family is skiing and I've completed taken a first stab at a health economics second course syllabus, I thought it would be a good time for my annual aspirations blog.  I'll call them aspirations rather than resolutions.  At least according to dictionary.com, a resolution is "a resolve or determination" whereas an aspiration is a "goal or objective desired" or an "aim; ambition". I think that what I look forward to in the next year fits more in the second category of "big picture" stuff rather than specific determinations.  And I think that with a few exceptions the same could have been said last year.

Looking back, then?  Here is what I wrote last December 31:


(10) Continue to implement a plan for well-being that includes financial well-being.
Sort of.  We've built some assets.  Paid down some debt.  Some still hangs on.  And it has been difficult to anticipate what 2013 will bring.

(9) Run a sub-20 minute 5K and qualify for the Boston marathon. 
These were definitely in the resolution rather than aspiration category and I met both.

(8) Continue my involvement with Back on My Feet.
I did.  I stayed a team coach as long as I could, but something had to give way.  I still run with the Team at least once a week if at all possible and also run with a bunch of BoMF Baltimore teammates at track workouts that I somehow have been the nominal organizer of for a while now.

(7) While this could go under the well-being heading of #10, I want to integrate pieces of “the arts” into what I do including more reading (because one way to write better is to read more), continue blogging, continue other writing, and perhaps even get back to writing a bit of music.
On this one, I continued to blog, I started a second writing project, and while I never wrote a full song this year, I did finalize a poem for two friends who got married and they really liked it.  It was about what made a first impression about each of them as I met them--their smiles.

(6) Better balance of responsibilities at work.
I have mostly continued to learn what can "give way".  The new year may bring new opportunities here.

(5) Hang out with friends more in situations other than running.
There is precious little time for this.  Although we did make it to a few nice gatherings at the end of the year.  And while my oldest son's girlfriend was not someone I had thought of when I wrote this a year ago, we have welcomed her to hang out with us (and running is not involved) a lot more this year than last.

(4) Help my children become all that they can be.
We continue to find ways to provide opportunities for our three sons to try out and to get better at all sorts of interesting things.  I think that Sherry and I have done a good job at this.

(3) Take the serenity prayer ever more seriously. 
I definitely still take the first part very seriously.  It is interesting that I will simply speak--sometimes not even yell--a snarky comment about another driver and let it go at that.  My oldest son's girlfriend asked if it was my form of "road rage".  What it really reflects is my effort to let out a little frustration while otherwise letting go of whatever might cause road rage as I cannot change it and more or less have to accept what other drivers do.  There are still some things that go unacted on.  I strive to change that.

(2) Continue to share my cooking. Enough said.
And done. Mostly through having my son's girlfriend over for dinner more.  She even had a chance to help us make Christmas Eve dinner.  But I have also cooked for family on this vacation and have brought snacks for friends post-running on numerous occasions.

(1) Enjoy the second half of my 20th year of marriage and the first half of year 21. It has been an incredible nearly 20 years. I hope we share 20 more.

Year wasn't perfect, but we had some new experiences that served us well including going on our first cruise.  And we are still together.

Looking ahead...

(10) Keep running in the right place in my life--it should promote physical, mental, and social well being--the gold old health triangle we learned in high school health ed class.  It should also promote spiritual well-being. If it ever interferes with those re-assess.

(9) While keeping it in the right place in my life, don't forget that there are some real goals.  Mile on the track under 5:40.  2-mile on the track under 12:00.  5K--wherever--under 19:30.  Complete Boston--and if the weather permits aim for 3:10.  Half marathon closer to 1:30.  10 miler closer to 1:10.

(8) Continue to be creative.  Maybe art.  Maybe words.  I'd say 10-15 minutes per day.  Could be a little verse.  Could be a little progress in my ongoing attempts to write longer stuff.  Could be a blog entry.  Could even just be some project like the silk tie I did earlier this week.  Just to keep that part of my brain in high gear.

(7) Think about next career steps.  Who knows what they may be?  The key is that even as a full professor, there are things to think about.  Even if I stay a full professor at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health for the remainder of my career, the job will change.  And there may be opportunities within JHU (or someday in the future outside JHU) that would bring about even more changes and hopefully changes that would challenge me and engage me in new ways.  And while my well-being now is about stability, my well-being once the kids are out of high school and college will depend on what I see as my next steps.  So, I might as well start thinking now.

(6) Continue to grow spiritually.  I have stopped writing about every single bib number and race time.  That was fun.  But I have found many new inspirations for my spirituality including the tattoo that is now nearly finished.  That turned out to be an interesting part of my art experience last years as it really has become much like a piece of commissioned artwork that I always have with me and really participated in a two-person (me and the artist) effort to bring about a vision of symbolism that I had.

(5) Continue to play an active role at St. Pius X.  I don't see that changing for any reason--but it is just worth putting out there.  No matter what other pressures may come and go, the stability of my involvement in Sunday school and the worship band--each with its own set of ups and downs--is definitely like a rock for my to stand on in my faith and in my life.

(4) Continue to mentor.  The experience or mentoring has been a gift to me as much as anything from me over the past several years.  I have a new student to mentor in the Penn State Schreyer Honors College and there are other opportunities for mentorship as well.

(3) Help my two oldest on the path to figuring out where they will go to college and high school respectively.  While the process will not be completely finished one year from today, it will be well on its way.

(2) Remember that I would not be where I am without the help of others.  This is part of what I reflected in my artistic vision last year and what I hope to continue to reflect this year.  This is part of my spirituality.  It is part of my professional mentoring.  It is part of my family relationships.  It is part of being a good neighbor.  I am ultimately responsible for me.  But I am not responsible for just me.  And in the same way, I know that I have truly benefitted from having so many around me who are not only interested in benefitting themselves but who are interested in lifting up others.  When I am taking credit, I must give credit where credit is due. And when I am deciding how to act, I should remember to act with others in mind.

(1) Be the best family member I can be.  Husband, father, son, brother, and so many more rolls.  All important.  All provide ways to lift others up.  All provide ways to reflect on what others have done to lift me up.  And all provide ways to show God's greatness in blessing me and my family with abundance.

It should be an exciting year ahead.  

My Own Personal Time Machine

My family is on a bit of a quest to try to get our house in order.  Will we ever succeed?  Hard to tell.  Am I one of the biggest culprits in terms of non-neatness of the house?  You bet.  Why?  I love to hang on to things.  One thing that had been buried deep in a closet that is now being cleaned out--my high school and college journals.

What I'm finding now is that I am finally ready to part with them.  But not before one final read.  One final read that will give me an opportunity to look back more than 2 decades (in some cases almost 2 1/2 decades) to see what I was thinking and to think aout how it led me to where I am today.  Just in skimming a bit I have reached a few conclusions.

(1) My search for meaning in life is nothing new.  I over-analyzed everything even when I was not yet 20.  Different sets of questions. Different sets of concerns.  But a lot about how people around me related to me, related to each other, and viewed the world.  And how I viewed he world.  And, at the end of the day, I'm still writing about such things.

(2) My fascination with numbers is nothing new.  I picked up a journal that spanned much but not all of my sophomore year at Penn State.  I was counting how many days in a row I'd written.  I recorded the ages of many friends.  I noted my parents 20th anniversary.  I didn't try to find meanings in those numbers as I do with bib numbers and race times now, but the numbers were a critical part of what I wrote.

(3) An entry from January 3, 1989 is quite telling.  That was between semesters and I was home with my sister who apparently had been running a fever the night before.  With both parents working and with the convenience of having me around, I could take care of her.  In the entry, I noted that a close friend at Penn State had characterized my journal as "containing my world". I had talked quite a bit about it.  I wrote that my world was "extended" by "telling people aout it and not trying to hide things."  My personal blogs allow me to do just that in so many ways. It is essentially my journal of things that I am willing to share and of things that I hope others might ponder and comment on.

(4) Even back then, I was thinking about family, friends, religion, music, and running.  Do themes in life ever change?

I don't know if I am the only one who finds it fascinating to think about and ask, "Have I really changed that much or is it just a change in scenery with all the same questions and issues when all is said and done?"  If nothing else, I hope that while my life may be centered around similar issues I have at least learned enough not to repeat similar mistakes.

After taking a trip in "my own personal time machine" by reviewing my journals before I chuck stuff, I will be better able to answer the question of whether I have learned any life lessons or just a lot of facts in the past two decades and some.

I won't bore you with entries of "who liked who and what were they thinking?" but if I come across any particularly insightful entries as I review before chucking, I may comment on the theme I see from my old work.  

Scones and Smiles

Apricot Scones made on Saturday Morning
Before a 6:30 Run!

This morning, the local Christian Rock (or "positive hits") station asked "what made you smile this weekend?"  There were actually many things that made me smile, but the answer I gave had to do with apricot scones.  (See the picture!)

I made these early on Saturday morning, took a few with me when I met a friend to run just after sunrise by the reservoir, and shared the remainder with my family.  Everyone liked them.  My running friend called them delicious.

The answer I gave this morning was something about the smiles on everyone's faces when they tried these.  Apricots, butter, cinnamon and sugar on top.  What more could you ask for?

I also commented that I could not think of a way to celebrate God's bounty, the gifts of nature God has given us, the gift of health God has given, and the gifts of inner and outer beauty.

As for the gift of God's bounty--well, the food is an obvious link.  And it was enjoyed by all.  And I appreciate just how much effort it takes to make these.

As for the gift of nature--the apricot comes from nature and the run by the reservoir with for over the reservoir, the sun coming up over the horizon, the trees, and the hills was amazing.

As for the gift of health--I would not be running 12 miles at a 7:33 pace up and down hills with a friend if I were not healthy.  And really healthy by the choices I make.  The free will God gives and the capacity to be strong and fast.

Finally, the gifts of inner and outer beauty.  My wife's reaction--it earned me a thankful kiss!  My kids' smiles.  My friend's smile.  The beauty of family relations.  The beauty of friendship.  The strength of all the relationships brought together by food.

If food was good enough to bring Jesus and his disciples together in many stories, then there is no reason not to think that it is good enough to bring people I know together for spiritual togetherness and happiness. 

Psalm 137:6

The traditional recited responsorial psalm for today's Catholic masses is Psalm 137. The response, in particular, is from verse 6:

"Let my tongue be silenced, if I ever forget you!"

I have blogged about physical and spiritual well-being an enormous amount since August 2010. As everyone who reads this probably knows, I have chosen to write every day during Lent this year.

So, why do I find this verse interesting? Especially, given the fact that the mass I go to is one at which we play a responsorial song that is definitely not the same most weeks as the exact verse that is recited.

Well, I think in this case it is quite simple.  I always try to focus on the spiritual aspects of my life. Sometimes I focus more on the physical. Sometimes I focus mostly on the emotional.  But I always try to make it clear that I remember that the emotional and physical ultimately tie back to the spiritual.

I can run all I want--but it is nothing without the recognition that I am using my gift from God and I need to keep that in mind. If I forget that--I shouldn't be writing this.

I can volunteer in any role I want as much as I want. Just the same--if I forget that I share my gifts from God with other people who are gifts from God and that all this fits together in a very special way guided by God, then I shouldn't bother writing.

I can work as hard as I want. If I forget that my capacity to do work and my capacity to be helpful to others--which is one of the things that I see as the most important outcome of any work I do--then I should not be writing.

I can spend as much time as I want with my children. Cooking. Watching their activities. Anything else that may be involved. If I ever forget that this is purely a gift from God, then I should not be writing.

If I use Psalm 137:6 as a guide for everything I write about and everything I do in life, then my life should come a step closer to God each day.  With each activity.  With each thing I write.  Going back to yesterday's entry--it will help me to revela the full truth and not just is what is in the reflection.  

Testify to Love

Today's spiritual reflection actually began on my way home from running yesterday.  On the drive I was flipping among radio stations--two different public radio, sports talk, non-NPR news and talk, and finally a Christian rock station.  Other than the fact that I have an eclectic mix of morning radio tastes, what did this reveal?  Well, on the one music station, I heard Testify to Love.  My first exposure to this song dates back to a television program called Touched by an Angel which ran in the late 1990's.  The songs main message is about giving thanks to God by testifying to love.

Why is this relevant to me now?  On one friend's Facebook page, she asked "why blog?"  That is a good question.  She received a variety of comments--including self-importance.  I hope that's not what anyone thinks of mine.  I answered that one of my blogs is for teaching health economics.  The other--this one--is my public diary.  This blog is my way of testifying to the love of God for as many to read as care to.  Even if it is not that many, it is my testimony and people can see what they think of it and draw strength from it or take inspiration from it--or never read it again.

What do I have to say about the love of God?  How I realize it.  How it affects me.  How I interpret it through scripture to which I am exposed at mass.  How I find it in my daily life; in my beautiful wife; in the rest of my family; in those with whom I volunteer; in those with whom I run.

There are so many ways to find it and it is important to me to proclaim those ways and proclaim my thanks to God and for the gifts I have been given.