My Fourth Day

When I came upon my old journals, one thing that I stumbled on was my description of the fact that I went on a retreat called Search.  It was a three day retreat.  It was my first real introspection in a religious setting as an adult, albeit a very young adult at the time.  The retreat was Fri-Sun (or three days).  At the end we were asked what we would do on our Fourth Day.  The Fourth Day was essentially--the rest of our lives.  Not literally one day.  

Viewed that way, I've written many things about my Fourth Day.  Most of them up.  Occasionally down.  In the near future there may be one or tow things that are down because I let things go much too long.  Even at age 42 there are lessons to learn.

I don't know that when I was 18 I ever really appreciated just how long the "Fourth Day" would go on and the fact that I would still be learning, still be struggling to prioritize, still be trying to make sense of things, and still be trying to figure out how it all fit together as part of God's plan for me 24 years later.

But now I know that even in 2 times 24 more years (if I make it to age 90), I'll still be learning, I'll still be struggling to prioritize, I'll still be trying to make sense of things, and I'll still by trying to figure out how it all fits together as part of God's plan for me.  It is a never ending process with just one goal--always try to keep God's way as my way as I go along.  The closer I model my life after God's way, the more sense it makes.  Things get messy and murkier the more I stray.  Things seem to get clearer the more I stay close to God's way.  Sometimes, I wonder how Jesus prioritized when there were multiple ways that he could have worked to demonstrate the glory of God.  In some ways, a simple "what would Jesus do" type of question.  But in other ways, a much more subtle one--how would Jesus prioritize?  How would Jesus allocate his time on the days when he felt "there are only 24 hours in a day?"  

Perhaps as a religious economist who struggles to do good in all things I should ask myself "how would Jesus allocate his resources" rather than "what would Jesus do"?  Perhaps it is not quite as catchy.  But it really does capture why I sometimes feel like I am struggling (while still being very satisfied with my overall progress, accomplishments, and quality of life) in my Fourth Day.   

It All Comes Together

My friend Marcus came out for a morning track workout with the crew that has been working out at the Dunbar track with workouts that I organize.  He commented at the end that he would definitely be back, particularly because the first week of the Charm City Run training program was always a two mile time trial, and he didn't think he would learn anything he didn't already know by participating in that next week.  It was interesting to me that he made that comment as the two mile time trial is what started me on a path toward being the organizer of this crew.  It was yet another reminder of how things just tend to come together in my life and how God creates opportunities that we can take or ignore and how his plan is for something wonderful if we just follow.

So, when I tell stories about history of my running, sometimes I begin in high school.  But, I recognize that those are mostly Glory Days kind of stories (thinking of the old song by Bruce Springstein) at this point.  And, while they are interesting to reflect on they are rarely relevant.  I separately myself from them for the same reason that I decided not to get a tattoo of the old symbol on my high school varsity letter pins--there is so much of life since then and so much more that is relevant to me.

Sometimes when I tell running stories, I start back on January 1, 2006.  When I decided to return to regular exercise.  However, I don't worry about a return to exercise any more.  In fact, the tattoo I am getting will feature the patron saint of athletes.  So, I don't go back to that point as often any more.

I also have gone back to July 2010 on some occasions.  That is when my running took a social turn and I started running for a charity rather than just for myself.   It was after a parent at my kids school was taken too early by cancer that running became not just a physical thing but a social thing and an expressive thing in my life.  And sometimes I got back to March 2012 when I first ran with Back on My Feet.  At that point, I found an organization that I could make a constant part of my running.  Back on My Feet also has an interesting relation to the tattoo.  The artist found a picture of the Baltimore city skyline (looking head on at City Hall and the buildings in the background in the 1930's.  That part of the tattoo is actually similar to the buildings in the picture at right, except for the one brick building with the very narrow top.  That is a more recent building.

Today, though, the story goes back to September 13, 2011.  On that day, the Charm City Run training group was scheduled to do a two mile time trial that I could not attend, but I really wanted to know where I was.  So, I asked two students/friends to come out and run with me.  They did and I ran the fastest two miles I'd run in a very long time.  Immediately after the Baltimore marathon, we continued running together and I continued to run with at least one of them through most of the winter.  Then, very recently the group expanded and now we have as many as 14 people on our list an that list is about to grow.  I never would have thought that one random ask to help pace me would lead to me being the organizer of a group that runs together once a week and includes people I know from work, from just running, and from Back on My Feet, all together to be supportive of one another and to make ourselves better, stronger runners.

God is great.  His gifts are amazing.  And I must never forget that.  

Another race, another number, another thought

What Made Me Happy This Weekend?

This morning, on our local Christian Rock (or "positive hits" as they now call it) station (95.1 Shine FM), they asked for comments on what made us happy over the weekend.

I could have mentioned any number of things.  Comments on my blog, actually on the site--in addition to on FB which happens more often.   Seeing my oldest son happy with his audition for Peabody Youth Orchestra and his recording opportunity at All About Music.  A very busy and people filled Sunday.  Two great runs.  Happy dog.  Many things.

But if I had to choose one thing that stands out as different from most weekends that made me happy, it would be this: I got a friend of mine from Back on My Feet to come listen to 40 More Days play at St. Pius X.  My friend is Catholic, so it was not unusual for her to go to mass.  My friend was a cantor at one point--so it was not different for her to appreciate music at mass.  It was just one of the first times she had heard a worship band (including an electric bass) at a Catholic mass.

Afterwards she commented that she thought it was cool.  I was glad.  I thought about why it makes a difference to me that a running friend would come to mass. Or, why do I enjoy sharing my 40 More Days worship band experience?  I enjoy it most because it shows that I am not unidimensional.

Maybe most of my friends would not think that these days.  Having commented over the weekend on finding my old high school and college journals, it was certainly something that I worried about back then.  The worry at that time was that people might think I cared only about academics. Now, I could worry that people in each my circles might think that I take that circle so seriously that I could be unidimensional in that circle--my academics, my running, my participation in church.  But having a person from one aspect of my life come experience a different aspect reminds me and my friends that I'm not just about one thing.

Instead, I"m about figuring out how to make it all fit and all work together.  That is what I love.  The challenge.  The thrill.

Including my students in running--one way to demonstrate multiple dimension.  Inviting my running friends to mass--a second way.  Inviting my students/colleagues to mass--yet one more way.

I'm sure my close friends would like me even if I were pretty much unidimensional.  However, it is just nice to be able to explore and share more than one dimension and to try to make clear how much I enjoy having multiple dimensions and sharing each dimension with those about whom I care.  And then, inviting those I care about so much to make sure that their lives are not unidimensional either.  

Overly Analytical--Or Not?

In yesterday's blog entry I commented on how I had been overly analytical even 20-some years ago.  I had another example of being overly analytic today.  When playing electric bass as part of the 40 More Days worship band at St. Pius X church in Towson, MD, I was listening to the homily. The bishop read from one of the candidate's letters and she referred to herself as a confirmandi.  My brain got lost thinking about what the appropriate feminine singular version would be.  It turns out that confirmand is the singular for both sexes.  I found that out at a reception afterwards.

When I get overly analytical, I don't play well and I noticed a tension in my playing for the first few songs after the homily.  Then, as I approached the final song, I just loosened up.  The last song was "Go Out in the World".  That is one of the few songs that I am often called upon to sing, and to sing harmony for.  When we play this song as part of our ministry, I just let go.  I just try to "Let it be" and take it all in.  I love the song as it both provides me a chance to sing a relatively high bass part and I do something a little different with my bass in that song--just in terms of the style I play.

That song is a blessing for me.  It is also interesting as the idea of being a person asked to "Go Out in the World" and tell everyone the good news is sort of what this blog does.  I like to share my good news.  And hope that others feel their own good news and to share that in turn with me.  There is much good news in the world--despite what we constantly hear in the news.  And I try to never forget that.   

My Own Personal Time Machine

My family is on a bit of a quest to try to get our house in order.  Will we ever succeed?  Hard to tell.  Am I one of the biggest culprits in terms of non-neatness of the house?  You bet.  Why?  I love to hang on to things.  One thing that had been buried deep in a closet that is now being cleaned out--my high school and college journals.

What I'm finding now is that I am finally ready to part with them.  But not before one final read.  One final read that will give me an opportunity to look back more than 2 decades (in some cases almost 2 1/2 decades) to see what I was thinking and to think aout how it led me to where I am today.  Just in skimming a bit I have reached a few conclusions.

(1) My search for meaning in life is nothing new.  I over-analyzed everything even when I was not yet 20.  Different sets of questions. Different sets of concerns.  But a lot about how people around me related to me, related to each other, and viewed the world.  And how I viewed he world.  And, at the end of the day, I'm still writing about such things.

(2) My fascination with numbers is nothing new.  I picked up a journal that spanned much but not all of my sophomore year at Penn State.  I was counting how many days in a row I'd written.  I recorded the ages of many friends.  I noted my parents 20th anniversary.  I didn't try to find meanings in those numbers as I do with bib numbers and race times now, but the numbers were a critical part of what I wrote.

(3) An entry from January 3, 1989 is quite telling.  That was between semesters and I was home with my sister who apparently had been running a fever the night before.  With both parents working and with the convenience of having me around, I could take care of her.  In the entry, I noted that a close friend at Penn State had characterized my journal as "containing my world". I had talked quite a bit about it.  I wrote that my world was "extended" by "telling people aout it and not trying to hide things."  My personal blogs allow me to do just that in so many ways. It is essentially my journal of things that I am willing to share and of things that I hope others might ponder and comment on.

(4) Even back then, I was thinking about family, friends, religion, music, and running.  Do themes in life ever change?

I don't know if I am the only one who finds it fascinating to think about and ask, "Have I really changed that much or is it just a change in scenery with all the same questions and issues when all is said and done?"  If nothing else, I hope that while my life may be centered around similar issues I have at least learned enough not to repeat similar mistakes.

After taking a trip in "my own personal time machine" by reviewing my journals before I chuck stuff, I will be better able to answer the question of whether I have learned any life lessons or just a lot of facts in the past two decades and some.

I won't bore you with entries of "who liked who and what were they thinking?" but if I come across any particularly insightful entries as I review before chucking, I may comment on the theme I see from my old work.  

My Hometown and Violence in Baltimore

These days, I consider Baltimore to be my adopted hometown sufficiently that a tattoo I'm planning to get should have a bit of Baltimore's skyline--although I have not seen the artist's final pre-drawing yet.  But, where I grew up was just outside Philadelphia, and I have commented recently on the argument against cutting too many of the classes like arts, gym, and library as a result of a budget that must be cut.

Recently, there has been what seems like an inordinate amount of violence in Baltimore--from shootings, to stabbings, to robberies and assaults.  At least some of it has been linked to groups of youth.

I think I may see a connection.  Not a causal connection between the two.  But a common theme that is reflected in both discussions.

There are many reasons that a local school district in tough economic times has to make budget cuts which may result in entire programs being cut.  It is unfortunate.  But it is a reality.  The cuts are made should be determined rationally.  The cuts that are made hopefully reflect the preferences of the local community when it comes to where they are willing to accept less public investment in their children.  The cuts can be countered (in part) by more investment (and it will most likely involve time and money) in the children by parents and others in the local community.

It is the idea of the investment in children by parents and others in the local community that brings me back to Baltimore.  Why do youth feel that they have nothing better to do than rob and assault?  It may be, at least in part, due to a lack of investment.  That lack of investment may be from their own parents, it may be from others in their neighborhood, or it may be from their school district.  Most likely it is some combination of two or three of those listed above.

How willing are individuals in our society to invest in others?  I don't know what any scientific data will tell us.  But it is a fundamental political question for this year.  What is the role of government when parents or the local community don't have much to invest?

And what does each community invest in safety?  How can communities keep themselves safe?  At the end of the day--more investment.  Things like citizens on patrol.  But those only work if the investment is made consistently.  If they are only a response after negative events begin to occur, then they may help stop what is occurring but are unlikely to prevent things from starting.

I think we are at a point where communities need to focus on answering three questions.  First, are they willing to maintain a constant vigilance?  Why constant--because any problem that is arising should be nipped in the bud and not allowed to get out of hand while there is a lot of talking and hand wringing.  In other words, how action oriented are communities able to be?

Second, how much of our own time and money are we willing to invest in helping our communities.  Are we just in it for ourselves?  Each person or family making sure that they are safe and well?  Or are we all in this together and trying to keep our neighborhoods and our communities safe and strong?

Finally, how much time and money are we willing to invest in our own children and others' children?  Why should we be willing to invest at least something in others' children?  I think that not investing in children sufficiently can lead to a need for more investment in community safety and greater vigilance.  Maybe that is okay.  But we, as a society, amy want to shift some resources to more investment in children so that we would have to invest less later on.

I don't have any illusion that answering these questions is simple.  I am just trying to point out how the root causes of some of the problems that one suburban community outside Philadelphia faces are not so different from root causes of some of the problems in Baltimore City at the moment.  And I believe that many communities in America will have to struggle with answering the questions I have posed about themselves in the coming years.  The answers to those questions will define how we as a country will define ourselves in the future.

May our consciences, guided by whatever religious or other moral compass each of us uses, guide us to the best decisions for our communities.