Finding God in the Quiet Times (1 Kings 19:11-13)

Yesterday afternoon, I posted that I was eating dinner at Five Guys Burgers and Fries alone before having a series of family related errands and activities.  One thing that happened last night was taking in way too many calories--a double patty, Five Guys burger with cheese, jalapeno peppers, and mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, and pickles, and an entire regular order of fries with malt vinegar followed by a small order at TCBY later after my middle son's concert.  Another thing that happened is that I was exhausted by the time I got home and did the dishes so the work I planned to do last night got done very early this morning.  With all the other stuff that went on--picking up one child from a guitar lesson, picking up a second from hockey, and then seeing a concert--it was also very busy.  But, when I was reading the Wall Street Journal and eating in relative peace and quiet with just a few other people at five guys I did have an insight.  I thought of 1 Kings 19:11-13 (although I did have to look up the actual verses to make sure I knew where to find the story of Elijah).  From the Catholic Bible...

Then the LORD said: Go out and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will pass by. There was a strong and violent wind rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD—but the LORD was not in the wind; after the wind, an earthquake—but the LORD was not in the earthquake; after the earthquake, fire—but the LORD was not in the fire; after the fire, a light silent sound. When he heard this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.
Of all the places for this verse to come to me, I'm not sure why it came to me at Five Guys.  It didn't occur to me in prayer at night or in the morning.  It didn't occur to me in the church.  It didn't occur to me as I teach my kids in Sunday school.  It occurred to me at Five Guys.  Why?  I suppose because that was one of the very few times in the past week that I have actually stopped and say down without doing something that needed to be immediately done.  Even if it was just for 30 minutes.  I was at ease.  And that is when I felt the presence of God.  

When I think of the different ways that God was not passing by Elijah I can think of what they might symbolize.  The wind--strong and consistent and obviously powerful.  The earthquake--gets you attention quite immediately.  The fire--gets your attention and can be maintained for quite some time.  These could be any number of events--positive or negative in my life.  Songs that go well when we play at mass.  Lessons that go well.  Praying alone.  Positive or negative events in my parenting, running, or career.  Each of these have power in my life.  Some are more obvious than others. Some come quickly.  Some last a while.  Some rock my world.  But, in none of them do I just stop and listen and wonder.

I can play music and sing about God.  That shows my devotion but it doesn't necessarily mean that I am listening for God to answer.  Teaching about God--I have to think about my relationship with God and how I model that for children.  But it doesn't show my listening to God.  Praying--again, clearly thinking about God, but not necessarily listening in return.  

But, when I just sat and could listen--in the same way that I would listen to a close friend and confidant--then I could hear God.

I'm not one to say, "God told me to do x, y, and z."  I'm one who thinks that God keeps tabs on me but that my decisions are ultimately free will. But I do think that God approves of some things I do more than others.  And, yesterday, I think that God was approving of the fact that I was just listening.

That is just the start--of course.  I have to go from just listening once in a while to setting aside more time to listen.  To make sure that to the degree possible, I am really hearing back from God that I am doing what is consistent with his will and not only seemingly consistent based on my own reasoning.

It is amazing how just slowing down for even a half hour--even while eating in a fast food restaurant--could help me with an insight into the need to listen for God's message.  Not just thinking about God.  Not just talking to God.  Not just hearing about God.  But actually listening for God.  How refreshing! 

Psalm 61 (2-5)

My bib number was 61 for the Lower Potomac River Marathon.  On my Facebook page the day I posted my bib number, a friend immediately mentioned Psalm 61.  Here are verses 2 through 5 from the New American Bible, Revised Edition:

"Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer!
From the ends of the earth I call;
my heart grows faint.
Raise me up, set me on a rock,
for you are my refuge,

a tower of strength against the foe.
Let me dwell in your tent forever,
take refuge in the shelter of your wings."

First, it is interesting that this should come up now. My bib number for the 11K in Australia was 2161 and I had never blogged about it.  I had actually thought about the fact that the last two digits were the same when I got the bib number.  The 11K was not my best race ever for a variety of reasons, and I ran a 7:23 pace.  On Saturday night last week when I got my bib, I thought about how cool it would be to run the same pace.  I almost achieved that with a 7:25 pace on Sunday.  So, there was some connection that seems like more than pure randomness.

In any case, about the Psalm.  There are lots of times during a marathon when I might want to cry out.  Not like Jesus on the cross, "My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?"  Because the marathon--starting and continuing to the end--is my choice.  But, it still hurts.  And there are times when it feels very hard to get my stride.

Listen to my prayer--prayers of thanksgiving (that I can do it), prayers of praise (for God's goodness that I got to see in St. Mary's county), and prayers of intercession (for my health and the health of all my fellow runners).  And, as a Catholic, praying for St. Sebastian's intercession as a go between to God as well.  And looking up to St. Sebastian (and St. Irene's) examples of God's love and the use of God's gifts.

From the ends of the earth I will call--well, in a course that has four out and backs, I'm not sure I'd say I was going to the ends of the earth, but there are a lot of different places I called from.  And, thank goodness my heart did not grow faint, but it was stressed.

"Raise me up, set me on a rock,"--something I might ask for at the bottom of every rolling hill.

The remainder--God is always my refuge.  When I choose to run marathons, I remember that I am using God's gifts for me and as an example for others--from my kids to fellow runners.  God is a tower of strength. There is no foe in a marathon, but needing and using strength is, of course, a key.  When I think of taking refuge in the shelter of your wings, I picture clouds making it slightly overcast after a sunny start. That didn't happen on Saturday and there are many wages to take refuge in the shelter of God.  Taking refuge in God is critical after a run as I celebrate the gifts and give nothing but thanks and praise for all God has done for me.   

To Live a Prayer

Yesterday, I commented on how I felt like I was achieving what a dear old friend (who is no longer with us) once said about my living a prayer.  When she first used that phrase, it took me a while to wrap my brain around.  Some Catholic prayers, e.g. the Apostles’ or Nicene Creed, are mostly statements of fact.  They suggest action only inasmuch as belief involves action.  Some prayers, like the Hail Mary, ask for action from another—in this case asking for intercession on our behalf. 

However, now that I have come to grips with what “living a prayer” might mean in my own life, I have been giving some thought to how standard prayers could be associated with living a prayer.  In other words, how I could have realized this concept long ago.

As I commented yesterday, I’ve been living out a very personal prayer.  My personal daily prayer, almost a mantra to be repeated, to be focused on, and to be mediated on, is “Thank you, God, for all those things with which you have blessed me and help me to continue to realize how your will can be manifested in the way I think and act.”   That involves doing things to show thanks, and making sure that what I understand God to want for me shows up in what I do with my family, with my colleagues, with my students, with my running partners, and with anyone else with whom I associate.

What “standard” prayers suggest actions that can be lived?  As I think about that question, the Lord’s Prayer comes to mind.  “Thy will be done.”  That is not just a random phrase.  Making sure that God’s will is done takes quite a bit of action.  Also “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us,” is a very active phrase.  We have to forgive others if we someday expect the same from God. 

In the Serenity Prayer (which may not fall under the category of standard Christian prayers but is very familiar in today’s culture) the simple phrases “grant me the strength to change what I can change,” “grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change,” and “grant me the wisdom to know the difference” all imply some type of action.  Serenity and wisdom suggest mostly mental or interpersonal action rather than physical action, but it is action nevertheless.

The Ten Commandments are not a prayer per se but are all about how we live out our lives.  The Beatitudes could be put in a similar category.  The “Act of Contrition” involves a resolution, and even the name of the prayer includes “Act” implying action.

I would also consider part of the Prayer of St. Francis to be action oriented.  “Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love.  For it is in giving that we receive.  It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.” Each of those phrases involves doing something—consoling, or perhaps more generally being there, there others.  Understanding others.  Loving and showing our love for others.  Giving.  Pardoning.  And dying—at least have our own desires die and be replaced by those of the Eternally alive God.

So, the idea of the taking the actions suggested by a prayer, in other words living a prayer, is really not such a strange idea.  Living the actions suggested by standard prayers is fine.  Finding the words our own hearts and souls are yearning to fulfill and living those out can be even more powerful.

When Things are Right with the World

For my friends who don't believe in something higher than us, this is an entry you may not appreciate.

For my friends who think that things just happen and that there when things come together they are simply a coincidence, this is an entry you may not appreciate.

But for my friends who believe that connecting with something that is higher (I think of God, others may have alternative concepts) can help to make life better, this is an entry for you.

All my writing and pondering recently is part of what I call, "Running, Reflecting, and Writing".  Not quite 3 R's (since writing begins with W), but the alliteration works.  In the process of running, reflecting, and writing, I have not been "praying" per se, but to quote an old friend, it is like living the prayer.  Two types of prayer are thanksgiving and intercession, and I consider my search for meaning to be part thanksgiving and part intercession--thanks for showing me the way so far, and God please help me to continue to do what I am supposed to be doing.

So, today, after spending weeks pondering and trying to connect my running, my spirituality, and a bigger picture, I feel like God answered a few prayers.

First, today was the first long run since I twisted my ankle that my ankle felt fine.  My ankle is still not ready to make quick turns in different directions as I would need to running down a basketball court, but for straight running, the ankle is better and almost all my muscles are now feeling good.  A person could say, "It is just the right time."  I think that it is part of a prayer being answered for wellness.

Second, today I was accompanied by another runner on my 8 mile run.  For miles 2-8 we ran an average 8:10.  It was excellent to have the company of another runner at that speed. We conversed as we ran.  I found out that she has run a faster personal best half marathon than I have and that sooner or later I may be working to keep up with her.  I still love running with the other runners I've been running with for weeks, but I am very happy to have a new running partner for the next several weeks and hopefully then into the marathon training season over the summer.  Another prayer answered.  I am still giving (and not just receiving), as our coach commented that he was glad to find someone who could keep up with her and I could share with her what I know about marathon running, as, so far, she has not run a marathon.

Third, I attended a former advisee's wedding today.  He and his wife are both of Nigerian descent.  The wedding was at a Redeemed Christian Church of God. It was a wonderful celebration of the love of my student and his wife for each other, and it was also a wonderful celebration of people wanting to be at a church and people wanting to feel the power of God.  Being at a celebration where everyone seemed like they wanted to be there, wanted to feel the power of God, and wanted to be closer to God was a wonderful experience.  The music (a mixture of modern--including a six string bass, a saxophone, a drum set, an African drum, and a keyboard--and traditional hymns) was wonderful and showed a way in which a non-Catholic congregation related to God.  It was a wonderful example of the many ways that different people relate to the higher power that I believe in. Another prayer answered--reaffirmation of a visible relationship with God.

I hope that my relationship with God can continue to grow in meaningful ways--through prayer, through action, through family, and through running.