Feed My Sheep: More Reflections on John 21:17

So last night I began my post 10K run reflections with thoughts on John 21:17.   The chapter and verse that when written out together equal the time I had at the half way mark by my watch.  The verse I thought of while making crepes for scrippelle yesterday afternoon.   The verse that I have more to say about.

First, as I have mentioned in my blog before, Peter was my confirmation name.  So, who is Jesus speaking with in this verse?  Well, most directly, Peter.  I had chosen Peter in a sort of arrogant thought that I could be a rock.  That my belief and my spirituality were strong.  My belief has been tested.  My belief has been brought to the brink on more than one occasion.  There are times that I would say that my faith is not strong at all.  However, if I have only a small amount of belief and I can share that with others, then I may help to "feed God's sheep".  Feeding their need for spiritual reflection through my writing.  Feeding people's needs for sustenance through my family's donations.  Feeding a need for physical health through "service running" with Back on My Feet.  Perhaps this is an originally unseen part of the destiny of my confirmation name.  While I believe very much in free will, I also believe that God plays an active role in guiding us if we ask for it.  And that there are times when the answers come--but much, much later.  Perhaps this is all coincidence.  Perhaps there is no such thing as coincidence.

Second, the story has a part that precedes Jesus speaking directly to Peter.  John 21 in general is a story of the risen Jesus (great for Easter reflection) revealing himself to his disciples.  The first 8 verses of the chapter are the story of Peter and other disciples having bad luck fishing and then having much better fortune once Jesus arrives.  Verses 9-14 are about them eating breakfast with Jesus.  The fact that the verse of such importance to me (21:17) is preceded closely by a story of food can be taken two ways.  Obviously in the context of the flow of the Bible, Jesus then in verses 15-17 asks Peter to feed his lambs, tend his sheep, and feed his sheep.  The symbolism of having a meal together at which Jesus provided for his disciples before he asked Peter to feed his lambs and his sheep if not lost on me.  In my case, it is neat, too, because of the link to my own passion for cooking and feeding people.

Finally, getting back to what my friend from college wrote to me.  There are so many ways in which people hunger.  People hunger physically.  People hunger for challenges mentally.  People hunger through spiritual challenges.  People hunger for recognition and validation.  People hunger for a sense that they matter.

One thing I have always hungered for is recognition for something other than being good at academics.  A wise friend from my high school days once suggested I just be happy for being recognized for what I am really good at.  Good point.  This week, I was lucky enough to be quoted in Science Times Global Update in the New York Times.   But this week, I was also blessed to be recognized as a featured runner (as I mentioned yesterday) and as the team member of the month among the community volunteers for Back on My Feet Christopher's Place Team.  What's more, a student called me a pretty cool professor when I talked about the tattoo I'll be getting and my seven year old called me the best Dad.

Why do I need this validation?  Why can't it just be enough to know that I am following God's will, since that is what it is supposed to all be about?  Honestly, I don't know.  It is something with which I continue to grapple--and probably will forever.

I just hope that I can continue to live up to the accolades I receive.  Sometimes I think I do.  Not that that is anything special.  That is what we are all here for and what we are all supposed to do.  Being what I was intended to be and helping others is just following law set down by Jesus--love your neighbor as you love yourself.  So, I don't deserve a gold star for just playing by the rules.  And I also know there are times times I know I fall woefully short.  I'm not always the best dad.  I'm not always a great teammate.  My running attitude is not always exemplary.  And sometimes I am a lousy colleague and not such a great mentor.

I just hope that on net the positive outweighs the negative so that I can stand tall but with humility,  be of service to others who need me, and be obedient to God in whose image I was made.  I want to continue to focus my personal development on being all that God has intended for me rather than simply what I think I should be.  Or better yet--to make those last two one and the same.  

My Half Way Time in a 10K--21:17 and the Gospel of John

I never thought that I'd have enough material from running a single 10K race to blog about for the next two weeks, but I think I do.  That should be interesting.

Each entry will most likely be a little shorter than what I wrote during the Lenten season, but I am sure it will continue to be a positive experience for me, and I hope that it will be a positive experience for those who take the time to read what I write.

The 10K was called the Sole of the City.  Cool in some ways that it would be called "sole". Obviously that is a reference to the running shoes sold by Charm City Run, my favorite running store.  The day before the race, one of the few 10K runs in Baltimore City proper, I was honored to be featured as the runner highlight by the store (see the link here).   The picture in the feature was taken last November.  If I had it to do over again, I'd put in the picture that someone from the store took at the end of the race yesterday.  It is a much better picture that you can see here.  I say that the name of the run was ironic as I have focused so much on spiritual and physical well being--the well being of my body and soul.  And this 10K was obviously both a good use of my soles and goof for my soul.

I don't usually write about finding a relationship between my times at the half way point in the race and some connection to the Bible, but I will tonight.  First, let me point out, I don't know where the exact "official" half way point was.  But when I took a data dump from my GPS watch today, I looked at the 5K time--sure enough it was 21:17 (actually it was 21:18 at 5003 meters, so by extrapolation with the next earlier reading from 21:13 at 4985 meters).  While I was making dinner tonight, I had been thinking about different Bible verses and relating them to my writing and the thought of "Feed my sheep" came to me.  It is appropriate for the Easter season.  Sure enough, where do you find that?  John 21:17.

Why do I find this interesting?  And what will I spend writing about for the next two weeks (or more)?  Well, I have recently been emailing with a friend.  She reads this blog and can comment if she wants to be named.  For right now, it suffices to say that I have known her since my days as an undergrad.  I had respect for her writing, ideas, and leadership back then.  We went years without being in touch.  We are back in touch now thanks to Facebook.  She has read some of my blog materials and seen many of my pictures of food on Facebook and encouraged me to write a book.  I think that the ideas around my writing and around my cooking and my running all come back to the end of the verse in John 21:17--"Feed my sheep."

Why?  It would be a great title for a book of reflections.  Especially if many of those reflections centered around Bible verses and food.  There can be so many different meanings to the phrase "Feed my sheep."

Am I particularly qualified to feed God's sheep?  I don't really think that I have anything on the next person when all is said and done.  I am not more holy.  I have not spent that much more time studying religion.  I am not smarter.  I don't have more common sense.  I just like to think.  I like to write.  And I like to try to make sense of life.  If my journey and quest to explain life helps to "feed" others' needs for spiritual guidance, then so be it.  I am glad that others can share.

This is one of the less organized entries I have written in a while.  It is, right now, mostly just stream of consciousness.  I think that the key will be for me to pull ideas into a coherent format to share them, to begin to shape the idea for a book, and to express all the insight I gained from one race.

Life is good.  God is great.  And there is always so much to learn.