My Take on the Yin and the Yang of Motherhood

On Mother's Day, it is only fitting that I should write a brief blog entry to honor mothers.  What comes to mind when I think of mothers?  I call it the yin and the yang of motherhood and the reason for them both.

First, the effort of bringing life into the world.  Mothers are the ones whose job it is to carry the life from the time of conception to the time of birth.  Mothers are the ones who have the biggest job on the day of the child's birth.  Not that there is not a lot of room for important help along the way.  Help with the preparation and help with the birth.  Of course there is.  But the mothers are the ones with the biggest role.  The starring role, if you will.  And the most challenging role.

Second, unconditional love.  Not necessarily unconditional support.  Not necessarily unconditionally thinking that their children are always right.  But unconditional love.  The kind of love that says, "I'll always be there for you.  Even if you mess up.  I might yell.  I might rant and rave.  I might be worried, anxious, mad, and even seething--but ultimately I am still your mother and, when I calm down and get my composure, I'll still love you.  And the only reason that I get so worried, anxious, made and even seething, is that I care so much about what happens to you."  The kind of love that always seeks the best, but accepts whatever comes with the child and makes the best of it.  The kind of love that takes a very careful balance to encourage everything good while still letting the child be himself or herself.

Third, ferocity.  Why ferocity, you may ask?  It is the ferocity of protecting their children when their children are threatened.  Unconditional love is what I think of when the kid is the one messing up.  Ferocity is what I think of when the kid is being messed with.  And while unconditional love sometimes occurs despite a lot of screaming and yelling, ferocity can occur without screaming and yelling.  Sometimes mothers make their points best by just staring someone down or otherwise using non-verbal communication.

So, it is the combination of unconditional love and ferocity the things that can be most important when the kid messes up or is messed with that I see as the yin and the yang of motherhood.  And both come because the mother has so much of herself, so much of her time so much of the core of her very being invested in her children.

My wife certainly exhibits all three of these.  Sometimes the kids don't see it.  Sometimes I don't see it--in the heat of an argument about what may be best for our children.  But, at the end of the day it is what motherhood is all about.   

Never Give Up on Trying

Yesterday, I received the book about Eric Liddell that I had ordered. I haven’t really started reading it yet, but I did page through some of the sections leading up and including his 1924 Olympic performance. I enjoyed that as it gave me a chance to think about some of the reasons I was fascinated by the movie, Chariots of Fire, when I was a kid.

Was it the music? Well the music is nice, and I did learn to play a simple version of the Chariots of Fire theme on the piano 30 years ago. However, I don’t think that was the main inspiration.

Was it the scene in which the runners tried to make it around the courtyard while the clock was striking 12? Interesting, but probably not.

Was it the Olympic performance? Well, the thing that always stuck out most in my mind about the Olympic performance was not so much how he did, but the fact that he stood up for his principles and would not compete on a Sunday. I know the commandment to keep the Lord’s Day holy and have always tried to live it although there are varying interpretations. Where I live, even the Catholic church sports leagues play on Sundays, so, clearly, members of my church would not be held to the same standards to which Liddell held himself.

What stands out in my mind most as a memory? It was the scene in which Liddell stumbled at the opening of a quarter mile race prior to the Olympics, dropped behind by 20 yards, but eventually won the race. Looking at the book and some other online sources, apparently there were some liberties taken with the facts of the situation in the movie, but the gist of the movie scene captured what happened in real life.

Why, of all things, is that what stands out in my mind? Because it best captures the attitude I try to espouse for myself and set as an example for my children. Life is about not giving up. I may not always win, but I try never to throw in the towel, unless I am at a point at which continuing would be genuinely destructive. Of course, not everyone will fall down, get back up, and win. And some people who never fall down, also never win. But the point for me is to keep giving my best effort no matter what. And, of all the scenes in the movie Chariots of Fire, the one in which Liddell was able to overcome a rough start to a race was the one that sticks out in my mind.

This applies to more than just my running. In my running, for any given workout, I may not be at the front. On any give race day, I will never be at the very front and there may be other runners with whom I am training at present or have trained in the past who run faster. Nevertheless, as long as I set goals for myself and simply try to do my best that is what matters to me. Same thing in professional life—not everything works but I keep on trying. Same thing in home life—not everything works with parenting or being a spouse, but I keep on trying. Same thing in spiritual life—not everything works but I keep struggling to understand.

One of the parts of Eric Liddell’s life that I would hope to continue to embody with my actions and words is the willingness to always push ahead despite any trials and tribulations I may encounter. I would imagine, that as I read the book, I will find other things that I will hope to emulate, and maybe, just maybe, live up to the comparison that a friend once made that I hardly thought I deserved.